Dream

Okay so today was a total bummer because I realized I was a day late to possibly make my life long dream come true!! Well let me first start with what my dream has been. From the time I was little I wanted to be in the olympics, I first wanted to be "Flo-Jo" and would run around the living room then I realized 1-I am white so that wouldn't work and 2-I can't run so that dream is done. Then I grew up swimming and dreamed of going for swimming but even though I have a great love of swimming I lack the competitive drive to push myself. I just love to swim and don't really care about winning. So now it is a dream of attending the games and seeing swimming in person. I must admit I am a total sap and cry at the medal ceremonies. Now in 2012 the games will be in London and being in Spain we are super close and I would love more then anything to go. But this morning when I went to look up the games and tickets I was a day late to get on the list for tickets!! Super poop. But hope is not lost I am going on every authorized website and signing up so in case there are some unsold tickets I can get them. I have no clue how much the hotels are going to cost or flights but all I know is if I don't try to go I will regret it forever, or until the games get back to the US. We all have life long dreams and though some may be obtainable and some not so much trying to get them is so worth it!! But with my dream there is another hurdle and that is finances, London is super expensive but is the dream worth going in a little for?? Do you suck it up and fork over the money knowing that the opportunity might not ever come again?? Well once July comes around and I can find out how much it will really cost my choice will be made. Can you put a price on a dream??

Music?

Okay so living in Spain has got me thinking about others views on America. Here and in other countries that me and Corey have visited the majority of music played is American. So my question is do they think we play their music in America? Do they think their hits are hits in America as well? I mean we do get foreign hits in America but the are almost always in English. And what about TV shows? I mean Baywatch was in like over 100 countries so do they think we get their shows in America with English subtitles? Just curious

Vanity??!

So lately I have been getting some work done on my face, some needed and some wanted, and it got me to thinking of WHY I was getting it done.? I have gotten braces again to get the perfect teeth I have always wanted. I have gotten two moles removed on my face, on because I had to and the other because I have always wanted to. So on my road to get things to look "better" I look like a teenager with braces, a not so bad scar on my forehead and a healing cut on my cheek and everyday I go out feeling less then confident. So why am I getting this done? Its not like my face shows what kind of person I am and what qualities make me a good person and besides the mole on my forehead it wouldn't have been a problem going through the rest of my life with crooked teeth and a mole on my cheek. So in sitting down and really thinking about why I was doing this I came up with a few conclusions. The main one is I really don't feel good about myself anymore. I grew up always being the skinny one and I never had to worry about what I put into my mouth, then I graduated college and everything changed. I gained weight and was no longer told how good I looked and did not feel as good as I did before. So for the past 10 years or so I have been struggling to get back to an "acceptable" weight so I can hear I look good again. And most importantly why do I care? As women we put so much time and effort to be what is considered "acceptable" and we beat ourselves up for it and worst of all we put each other down and judge each other. So I have decided to change what I want people to think of me and what I want to think of myself. No longer am I going to worry about being the "pretty" one but I want to try and show who I really am. I started to think about what would happen if my face was burned in a fire and I was covered in scars, would I live the rest of my life feeling bad about myself because my face wasn't pretty? There is so much more to life and me then that. So I want to show that I am a good mom, a good wife and person who loves life. I no longer want to be a prisoner of constantly thinking about how much I weigh and worrying about what people think of me and start focusing how I can show who I really am without worrying about the outward appearance. I have no clue how I am going to do this but gosh darn it I am going to try. And in my self quest I am going to stop judging people because its so toxic and in turn I hope not to be judged. So that is my deep thought and question for the day, if we lost our face how can we show the world that we are a beautiful person?