Changes

Well now that things are starting to get a little normal and we are getting back into some sort of routine the reality of what I just went through its starting to sink in. Before I leave the house I always put on my sun block and I always have a bottle in purse. But thats not the hard change to deal with. The other day we took Sophia to the pool and I noticed I was avoiding the sun like the plague. I sat on the side of the pool and watched Sophia and Corey in the water having so much fun and I started to cry. I wanted so badly to be in there playing around because the water is like my home but I was so scared that my sun block would wash off and I would be exposed to the sun to I stayed on the deck under the shade. Is this what my life is going to be like, Sophia playing outside and me just sitting on the sideline in the shade?? So much of our life is spent outside and we are such beach/pool people that its hard to be in the battle with the sun. I am not a cold weather person and could never see myself living anywhere that has a winter and I want more then anything to go back to California but will it be the same? Am I always going to be scared to be in the sun or is this just so new and fresh and it will eventually go away? It is so hard to try and deal with this when I want to badly to take Sophia to the pool and even the park but I am so scared to be outside. I don't want her to have to pay for my issues. But with the changes there are some positives. I have made a vow to myself that all I want to do is be as healthy as I possibly can and eat great, exercise and live everyday because who knows when it will be my last. I have been cleared for now and just because I had it once doesn't mean it will come back but it will always be on my mind and I will never look at my body the same. There are still many issues to deal with that I haven't even let myself think about and hopefully I will be able to face them and work through them but the one thing I can say I have learned from all this is there is nothing like the support from family and friends. I have never wanted sympathy or pity, and still don't, but to know that people care is such a great thing and to have the love and support of my amazing husband who has been my rock through all this I could not even explain. Hopefully the sun and I can some with some sort of agreement and I will get back in the water with Sophia because I miss the pool and I don't want her to pay for my issue. So with this vent of a post I want to leave with saying live your healthiest and learn something new everyday because life is super short and its such a beautiful journey so live it!! Love you all