The "C" word

Before now I had always been scared to use the "c" word, cancer. I have had two other times in my life where I was told I was close to having cancer but it all turned out fine. So when I went in to get my mole removed I was excited when I didn't get any news back for a few weeks. They tell you no news is good news so in a way I forgot about it. But after this tuesday the "c" word is now going to forever be in my vocabulary. The whole thing is still sinking in, I think mainly because its so strange to think I have cancer. At this point its just skin cancer at stage 2 and we don't know yet if it had spread. But it still doesn't seem real because for me I think of cancer and I think of loosing your hair and the "look" of a cancer patient. But for me I feel just fine and besides the scar, which is going to get a lot larger. I don't feel sick and don't look sick on the outside but I have the strange nasty "c" word festering inside my skin, and hopefully just my skin.

The hardest thing I think right now is the thought of Sophia. Now that I have a melanoma she has a 50% greater chance of developing it. Its such a horrid feeling to know that she is also going to have to get her skin monitored closely as well because of me. Thousands of thoughts are going through my head but the ones that scare me the most are the ones that involve her. I am determined to live to 100 because I don't want to miss a moment of her life. I know this is not a death sentence and chances are I am going to be just fine but just the thought of missing anything is hard. But I will try and make this my last "c" word blog and start focusing on the other crazy happy thoughts in my head!! All I can say though is YAY for life.