Waiting

Well we have been in the states for a little over a week and it looks like we are going to be here for about another three weeks. It is nice to be in the states and it was great to see family but the waiting sucks. I am set to have surgery on wednesday and I am not going to lie I am scared. I am hoping that it will turn out fine and they will just have to remove the tumor but there is the reality that they just don't know yet. I know everyone means well by saying everything is going to be okay but in all honesty we just don't know yet. Until we find out if it has spread or not we can't say that things are going to be fine, the bottom line is until there is a final say that yes this is what stage I am in I am not going to say things are fine. I know things are looking positive but there is a chance that this could be worse and I am prepared for whatever is going to happen. I think the hardest thing about this is my mortality is realized and its something I have got to face. Hearing that even if I stay at a stage 2 there is a 25% chance I could die within the next 5 years is not an easy thing to take in. I know there is a lot worse cancers out there and melanoma isn't necessarily a death sentence but it is still cancer. I am scared of the chance of this spreading and becoming a stage 3 then having to do the chemo and the treatments and having our lives changed. I am trying to stay positive but I am also being realistic, until they go in there and test the lymph nodes we just don't know. The only thing I know for sure is that I am scared and I am not ready to leave this world but I am positive because I am young and healthy and its not as deep as it could be. The one thing I have promised myself is if we get through this and I turn out fine with a stage 2 I am going to do everything I possibly can to be healthy and live the best life possible because it is too short and you never know. I am so thankful for all the support and for my amazing husband and daughter. They are worth fighting this for and I tell you what I am going to kick cancers butt whatever the final diagnosis and take extraordinary care of my skin and body and mind!! Now all I can do is wait and find out how much of a fight I am going to have to put up!!